![Carol Smit - Sister of Ian Parker [dec.]](http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nxxRn7GY0Tw/Tx6awC3lXeI/AAAAAAAAAUs/Yxbg81kd1cc/s300/401627_10150495842067321_594312320_9324642_761604649_n%2B-%2BCopy.jpg)
'MY
TRIBUTE'
to the life of
IAN PARKER
by
Carol
Smit.
Ian Parker, my much loved brother tragically passed away by suicide on August 10 2005, thus putting an end to his long battle with bipolar disorder.
Like many families affected by mental illness, I will always bear Ian's burden.
Ian's lifelong wish was to always be helping people.
I have devoted many soul searching hours to find a way to fulfil a 'purpose' for Ian's many years of suffering.
This is why I am telling his story.
Ian had shared with me how there must be a 'purpose' for his suffering.
I had promised him only one week before his death that I would find that 'purpose'.
Little did I know, I would not be fulfilling this 'purpose' without him by my side, but alone.
Establishing the 'Ian Parker Bipolar Fund' was my only way forward to make some 'sense' of his suffering and give real 'meaning' to his often so 'fractured' life, and therefore help to 'fulfil' his 'purpose.'
The Ian Parker Bipolar Fund is the FIRST bipolar fund to be established for bipolar research in AUSTRALIA.
Until researchers know what causes Bipolar Disorder, treatment will remain limited and often quite problematic and not always delivering a successful outcome with a 'mood balanced' lifestyle.
Sometimes bipolar sufferers are not always willing to continue with the prescribed medication once overcome by the 'feeling of wellness' or sometimes due to an allergic affect or symptomatic intolerance to the many prescribed medications.
Unfortunately for Ian, both of the above situations were often prevalent throughout the management of his illness.
I do not want others to suffer like Ian and our family.
I sincerely believe in my heart with greater public awareness, education and compassion the much added burden to the bipolar sufferer and their families would be greatly eleviated.
Born in Eildon in 1954, Ian was almost too brilliant for his own brain.
At only three years of age, he would navigate family car trips, his photographic memory capturing every detail.
By the end of Grade 1 whilst growing up in Warrion the teachers at Alvie Consolidated Primary School deemed him so intellectually ahead of his biological years they allowed him to 'skip' Grade 2 and go straight from Grade 1 to Grade 3.
This class level was still below Ian's intellectual capability and teachers again expressed he 'skip' Grade 4 and go to Grade 6.
Fortunately, my parents showed wisdom in refusing this request for concern of his physical and emotional coping skills at a secondary school level at such a young age. My parent’s decision proved to be the right decision.
Ian's childhood to teen years basically appeared to all as what one would be term as 'normal'.
Never would we have realised the 'torment' of what was going on inside his brain and the slow onset of disturbance of chemical imbalance so deviously taking place and yet ever so prevalent in a bipolar brain.
Ian was absolutely 'gifted' with a great artistic talent which became very evident in his early life.
From only the tender age of 2 years his drawing skills were unbelievable!
(These are packed away somewhere and will be uploaded to this site once collated).
Ian continued to paint for most of his life and has exhibited and won awards for several of his works in his later years.
Thankfully in these modern times of medicine and technology and a greater realisation of childhood mental health issues, early diagnosis is becoming more realised.
Bipolar research is so vital for the success of early detection, friendlier treatment plans, finding the cause and one day a cure.
As you ponder the suffering and torment of so many in all walks of life, I invite you to donate an affordable amount to this most worthy cause. No matter how small a donation, every dollar is one dollar closer to research starting and assuring the Ian Parker Bipolar Fund remains a perpetual fund.
Mental illness is non - selective, is found in both genders, from the very young to the elderly, each culture and religion - none are guaranteed immunity.
Ian's life was lived as fully 'normal' as most little boys do. He had a great passion for fishing, rabbiting, hiking, dressing up as a cowboy and playing 'Cowboys and Indians' as many did in those days. He would only ever be the 'Cowboy' as he was always considered the 'good guy!'
He built his own go - carts, walking stilts, cubby houses, loved flying kites, picnics in the 'Warrion' hills and exploring all the box-thorn hedges in the back swamps.
Ian was not only so highly talented, but also so very handsome!
As he grew into maturity all the local school girls fell in love with him. I was never short of friends, all wanting to be 'Carol's friend', just to be that one step closer to meeting Ian!
This popularity left him quite unphased, preferring to 'stick with the boys' doing all the 'boy' things of their time. Ian was not one looking to be recognised and preferred to live as unnoticed as possible. This was nearly impossible; his high intellect and good looks always drawing unwanted attention to him. He felt this often created much pressure of a greater expectation of perfection in all walks of his life, thus he grew into manhood with great hatred towards his own personal failure.
He always loved a game of cricket, kicking the footy and was an active partaker in most school sports for his proud 'Hesse' team at Colac High.
Ian held onto one great 'love' from his early childhood!
This was the great love for his favourite football team Collingwood.
He was a passionate fan right to the day he died.
He loved the 'pies'.
His love for the magpies was fostered by his Grade 2 teacher.
He had a real 'crush' on her and courageously asked her one day who she followed in football.
'No other than Collingwood, the great pies', she told him.
He said, 'If Collingwood is good enough for you, then it is good enough for me!
The deal was done for life!
Ian and I had an incredibly close and beautiful brother-sister relationship.
I feel so privileged and so blessed to have been such a part of his life, especially upon reflection of our formative years.
We shared a wonderful trust in each other, often confiding many things in life.
Nothing will ever erase these magical moments from my life.
We laughed together, cried together and so often dreamed together of all that life may one day hold for each of us.
In our later years we loved to go for long walks together, often reminiscing the many pages of life, enough chapters to fill a book!
Life was often very stressful and quite traumatised in our childhood as we watched our Mother struggle to support our very sick Father.
Our Dad suffered many nervous breakdowns during our childhood and spent up to 11 weeks at a time in Mental Institutions trying to stabilise his illness.
It was not realised until many years later he would be diagnosed with Manic Depression, now known as Bipolar Disorder.
Fortunately our Dad was willing to take all prescribed medications and had no known allergies to any of these.
With the help of our Mum and once stabilised, he was able to hold an occupation. Her additional support enabled him to support his family during our latter schooling and then our Mum right through until his retirement.
Dad spent the last 11 years of his life in an Aged Care Facility. He had suffered many smaller strokes, but would eventually succumb to a massive crippling stroke that would leave him wheel chair and lifting machine dependent and eventually bedridden. He passed away in 2008, one month short of his 87th birthday.
The suffering we saw my Dad go through was hard on all of us, but particularly Ian has he saw his own life maturing.
(Mum and I had often shared the fear in our hearts that Ian might choose to end his own pain one day. We knew he had a fear of being left alone without his remaining familly who understood his illness so well and loved him so unconditionally).
The early days were very hard times for many, but with the added burden of mental illness with our Dad so early in their new parenting days their hardships were severely compounded with so many hospital admissions and no income support.
I do not know how we survived as Social
Security benefits were never heard of in those days.
We got through somehow with the kindness of relatives 'hand-me-downs', and much less 'things' and 'outings' as other families mangaed to afford.
Thankfully, I can truly say that our family was never deprived of the one very essential ingredient in holding families together as one unit.
That ingredient was 'Love' and there were buckets full for Ian and I.
Ian's and my welfare was uppermost at all times in our parent’s lives.
The hardship we went through has definitely had a positive side to it.
This hardship had taught us to be more resilient, empathetic and patient with others.
I also believe it helped ‘mould us’ and create a solid foundation for the ‘building blocks’ for our future.
Our Mum always instilled into our lives to be looking out for those more ‘needy’ than ourselves.
She encouraged us to reach out and offer a hand of kindness and to always try and be gentle with others.
She said 'You never will know what each person has to deal with in life's ups and downs'.
'Always speak a kind word toward and about another'.
'Treat each one as you would wish to be treated yourself'.
'Do unto others as you would do like done unto yourself’.
Our Mum was always full of 'pearls of great wisdom'. She was a beautiful soul and we loved her so very much.
I certainly tried to uphold these values throughout my life, but beautiful Ian was the one who definitely managed to succeed with sharing and passing all of these values to all he met.
Even though our days of much material poverty and deprivation existed beyond denial, our lives were so 'rich' in so many other ways and were definitely spoken of some of the happiest and most memorable days of our lives!
The stories of the many hardships and the great 'Warrion Days' never left our families lips!
For all of these ‘values’ and our parents sincere and unconditional love I will always be eternally grateful.
Not long before Ian’s passing he confided in me that his brain as a youngster often 'frightened' him as he felt '10 years ahead of his time'.
he shared that his 'thought processes' was always 'racing' often to the point of mental exhaustion.
He had always thought of this brain process as 'normal' or 'tiredness'.
'This for me, was never realised as abnormal nor set off 'alarm bells' for me to even consider telling anyone', he told me
He then looked at me with his beautiful deep penetrating emerald green eyes and quietly said, 'Carol, all parents really need to be alerted to this symptom and have their kids checked out if ever they hear of this.
If they have any 'sense' of their child having a 'racing' brain, a brain that is never quiet, a brain that never is still from thinking, a brain that prevents good sleep patterns, please tell them to have that child checked by their Doctor just to be sure it is not the early symptoms of bipolar disorder'.
We all now in hindsight that the earlier the age mental health symptoms are detected, the more hope of a healthier outcome.
I was so saddened and concerned when he shared these symptoms and that they had passed by our family and his teachers and all who mixed with him so unnoticed.
During the early days of the 1950 - 1960 era, not one teacher or parent would have ever thought of mental illness had he chosen to divulge these 'odd feelings'.
Nor could we have been expected to even comprehend the enormity of the po in those days.
Mental Health, especially in childhood was not a learned, or even a recognised topic for open and lively discussion in those vintagee times.
Upon reflection of the years of great excellence from all Ian succeeded in academically, gives enough proven evidence of the hidden and evasive nature of bipolar disorder.
We now know that nearly all who are diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder have a brilliant brain in certain if not many areas. Often this superior intellect is coupled with perfectionism.
There very best was not usually ever good enough, thus the feeling of 'failure' would creep in followed by the 'Monster' called 'Deepened Depressive Disorder'.
This was certainly the case in Ian's life and many bipolar lives we have since heard about through media stories.
He sadly experienced a truly bruised and broken heart of a 'lost love'.
This nervous break-down was the real first sign of imbalance in his life.
He made his first suicidal attempt.
This was a very 'dark' time in his life.
As time passed and a little healing took place he was glad to have survived.
He saw this as a new opportunity to make a fresh start with his life and tried to move on with his teaching career.
But his life was too fractured and to fulfil this commitment proved too awesome and overwhelmed him and again he slumped into the 'gravest' episode of depression.
This time was to be much more sever with the dark black days all around him.
He was very delusional and illusion behaviour took over, often times portraying a totally different person to the 'Ian' all had grown to know.
He emptied his bank accounts, gave away every 'worldly' possession he had ever owned and just disappeared with no trace.
He did not say bye to one person he had known, he just 'went'.
We were without contact for two long years.
Ian was always such a 'gentle giant'.
He stood 6' 1" tall and had the most kind and sweet nature.
He was never the personality to hold revenge, blame or ever have hard or ill-feeling toward another human being.
Rather, he would choose to find solace in 'escaping' from his family and all of his friends.
A 'quiet' place was where his heart and mind was directed.
Ian had gone 'walkabout', finding the comfort and emotional care he so much in need of having at this time.
It was 'his time' to be 'nurtured'.
He mixed with the indigenous people of the outback, bonding with many as his very close friends for many years.
Ian was a 'naturalist' at heart, eagerly swapping his shoes for bare - footed walks at every opportunity. He loved to absorb what he described as the 'natural heartbeat' of Mother Earth itself.
He drifted in and out of Hare Krihna camps and Temples always looking for that place of 'soul' security.
He had chosen to involve himself in a non - pressured and self - sufficient 'alternative' lifestyle during this time.
He found empathy amongst these simple living 'earthy' people.
He loved to 'sing their song' and 'dance their dance'.
During this time our family was devastated.
We never knew of his whereabouts and often feared the worst.
It was the 'not knowing' that was the most difficult to live with.
We would listen to every news report grasping at a far distant 'hope' of just hearing he had been found safe and well.
But Ian was oblivious to our deep concerns for his welfare. He was in 'another realm'.
He was battling the deep emotional and mental scars of his 'loss of love' and being well aware of the 'trigger' that had changed his life.
He was well aware of the bipolar symptoms following him at every turn. He had seen in his Dad what was now reality for his own displaced life and unknown future.
He so often tried to 'run away' from 'the beast, this ugly monster' following him at every turn.
This undiagnosed illness followed him everywhere as he fought so hard against the deepening grip it was taking on his mind.
He had become quite mentally and emotionally exhausted and one day, just 'out of the blue' he decided that he should visit his family again.
He wanted for whatever reason, to re-connect.
He was just wanting to make some sense of his life, have something meaningful to live for, to earn a living again and 'pick up the pieces' of his past life with his Teaching Career.
He managed to do this with great mental fortitude and much admiration from his family and fellow work colleagues.
Then one day, 'the Monster' returned and he could no longer 'muster' the mental and emotional energy to continue.
With the return of so much delusional and illusion 'manic high' mood swings, it was decided the only way forward for him was to be willing to concede defeat and give in to medical intervention.
He had fought for so long, such a hard and arduous battle, and thankfully he finally accepted help.
He had such a severe mental 'crash' and was finally diagnosed with severe bipolar disorder.
This severe mental crash was followed by many years of psychiatric treatment plans.
In the early 1990's he met and married a woman with 3 primary aged children.
This began a new chapter for his very fragile and fragmented life, devoting much love, loyalty, time and passion in tutoring each child throughout their schooling years.
All 3 children reached adult life with their academic dreams and occupational goals achieved, bringing him much joy and satisfaction.
Ian pushed away all natural desires to have his own biological children, fearing the possibility of genetic disposition. He always maintained he had the responsibility to stop bipolar form ever recurring in our family.
A definite genetic link to bipolar disorder is not known, therefore we will never know for certain if this unselfish choice was in vain.
Only through new scientific research will the cause be found - scientific evidence is the only way for any certainty.
Some medical professionals have thought that childhood stresses and traumas, dietary links and nutritional factors may have some correlation to bipolar disorder, but this has not been proven.
Bipolar research is so vital!
Ian and his wife decided to go their separate ways in 2002.
This again was a very sad and low period of Ian's life.
He moved from Cairns to Colac to spend his last 2.5 years with myself and my loving husband.
My husband and Ian fostered a beautiful 'brotherly' relationship and they truly adored each other.
Ian loved to go fishing, taking long walks and observing nature and together they shared and discussed many of life's issues - very precious moments to behold.
He had a great love for music, the natural bush, birds and all animals and native wildlife.
He was a beautiful painter, having completed many incredible artworks during his well times. He has won several awards exhibiting his best pieces.
Unfortunately, once Ian slipped into each low or high episode of the mood swings that haunted him more than not, he would lose sight of the value of his beautiful artworks giving most of these away to different ones he met.
Since hearing the news of our family losing Ian, a couple of these wonderful pieces have been returned to me and I am very grateful for this and value them dearly.
We are so grateful for the precious last years of his life spent in our home.
Ian was such a darling to live with, even when he was unwell.
Many of the hospital staff have often spoken of their strong love for Ian and as such a wonderful and beautiful person to care for.
He was always so gentle and kind to all. Many staff members have said to us that they never looked at the illness, but chose to look right through the illness at the beautiful person behind the illness.
That was so sweet of them.
Bipolar Disorder is such an 'insidious' illness and a 'respecter of none'.
In his younger adult life Ian would run for 10 KS every morning, lift weights and held a high physical fitness dear to his heart.
He always ate really healthy nutritional food and loved to cook.
Ian was always spoken of by those who knew him really well as 'having it all - the brains, the good looks, healthy and fit and the warmest endearing personality'.
It is so sad as I contemplate how Ian's fears eluded our family for much of his early life.
This beautiful boy who appeared to 'have it all' with a genius intellect, a personality that exuded only kindness, generosity, severe loyalty, and the most gentle friend to all he knew, would one day be afflicted with this terminal illness that was to rob his life of everything he had.
Since his childhood, Ian had always wished for a Teaching career. This was the one dream he must fulfil.
Ian made many friends in every walk of his academic and sporting life and in Form 6 he represented his class as Form Prefect.
He graduated his Science Scholarship Degree with Honours in Mathematics, Science, Quantum Physics and Chemistry at Latrobe University. Ian was considered a 'genius' brain by his lecturers.
To relax at the end of each semester he would cart hay for local farmers. He loved this job, the fresh outdoors and the thorough enjoyment of stacking the hay so high on the trailer. He was very proud of a job well done and loved the extra pocket money this would generate toward the cost of further University books.
Ian began his career teaching the science and maths subjects, teaching Year 11 and 12 students at Templestowe High - Victoria, Freemantle High - WA, Mildura High - Victoria and Colac High - Victoria.
He also lectured in Quantum Physics to University Professors and tutored all qualifying subjects to students in after school hours.
Ian also taught a group of 'low achievers', enabling them to reach their intellectual capability. Many teachers had 'given up' on these kids ever achieving their goals in life. Much to Ian's credit, patience and teaching skills, he was rewarded with many of these kids achieving the level of skills for their appropriate age groups.
Years later, he received several personally handwritten letters of appreciation and thanks for 'turning those student's lives around'.
These serve as a bitter irony for our family. Ian's talented, generous and selfless nature could not save his own soul from mental illness.
A memorable highlight of Ian's life was the 6 years he lived in Cairns. Ian loved the sunshine, the beach and so often found solace wandering the beautiful Daintree Forest and seeing all the huge butterflies.
His love for butterflies was so evident in each present he gave to our Mum - always had a butterfly connection. These she still has and will always treasure very dear to her heart.
During this period in Cairns, Ian was never fully away from the shadows of darkness looming within his brain as the depths of dark depression took hold.
These episodes would last for many days, sometimes weeks. Once the depression had lifted came the often sudden escalation of extreme 'high' elevation, 'grandiose' thoughts, giving his belongings away, sleepless nights accompanied with many delusions and illusions.
The high energy levels needed to sustain this type of mood swing meant a highly increased appetite, impairment of social judgement and much emotional pain and devastation to not only himself, but to all those who knew and loved him.
One certainty was the 'higher' the mood, the greater the 'crash' into deeper, longer depression.
If my memory serves me correct, the longest time of sleep deprivation lasted for 16 days and nights!
So many are living like this right now, so desperately in need of finding a cause and cure for such a debilitating mental illness.
Thankfully, one of these students fulfilled his dream of becoming a Medical Doctor. Ian's heart was delighted to hear such wonderful news.
These serve as a bitter irony for our family. Ian's talented, generous and selfless nature could not save his own soul from mental illness.
Through the Ian Parker Bipolar Fund you will live on my darling through helping so many, which is all you ever lived for - always reaching out to others - always helping others to achieve. You always only saw the 'good in everyone'.
'I love you Ian and together we will walk as one soul, with heart and purpose true to help others find the answers to this insidious and very often misunderstood mental illness.
Together we will help lessen the 'stigma' all too often surrounding mental illnesses', thus living by the slogan: 'lifting the lows, healing the highs'.
As I end this ‘Tribute to Ian’, I now share another.
I have lost my other best friend, my beautiful Mum.
She suddenly passed away 24th June 2012 after a short illness.
‘Together you walk your journey re-united with Dad’.
If only I had another brother or sister to share my fundraising journey.
I will never give up my ‘calling’ to carry on and help others.
I love you all and will always miss you all dearly.
Please pray that many hearts will be ‘opened’ to offer donations to help to find a cause and a cure for Bipolar Disorder through my Bipolar Research fundraising efforts.
The Ian Parker Bipolar Fund has been blessed with the most beautiful team of ‘volunteers’ who have given me so much support. I could not do what I am doing without this help.
‘Please keep looking down upon me, surround me with your love and protection and help me to help others’, to complete this journey.
I have a 'new family' now, with my recent induction as a Rotary Member of 'The Rotary Club of Colac West'.
The fellowship, leadership and mentorship of this wonderful organisation is 'second to none.'
The dedication, commitment and hard work by so many Fellow Rotarians is so credible and valued by the community very much. I love meeting and working with and for my fellow Rotarians.
As we work together as Fellow Rotarians, we strive in making a difference to the lives of so many.
This difference is only made possible from the kind donations and fundraising efforts to help make this world a kinder and better place for all.
I will always be driven 'to make a difference' and I promise my loving Dad Charlie, my treasured Mum Ivy and my gorgeous brother Ian that through the Australian Rotary Health / Ian Parker Bipolar Fund PhD Scholarship for Bipolar Research we will achieve Our Mission: To find the cause and eventally the cure for Bipolar Disorder.
Until we meet - I am your ever loving Sister and Daughter. R.I.P.
Forever in My Heart......Carol xxoo
Scholarship Details and Online Donation:
www.australianrotaryhealth.org.au
Be sure to enter 'Ian Parker Bipolar Fund' into the message box when clicking the 'Donate Now' button.
Other Fundraising Projects for Bipolar Research of Carol's:
'Beanies for Bipolar' Stalls
www.knit4bipolar.blogspot.com
Your Own Home Sketched/Painted by Carol
www.homesasartgift.blogspot.com
To Contact Carol:
Email: ianparkerfund@bigpond.com
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